MySpace - What the hell??

As if women don't already have enough problems with their body images, I've begun to notice the screaming ads surrounding my login page for MySpace. Not only that, but they've begun to target me specifically -- saying "Overweight at 27? Lose weight now!" and the like. Really, Mister King of MySpace Tom -- what the hell. Are you guys so strapped for cash that you have to sell your souls to the bastards helping to support a weak body image for female website users? I refreshed my page 4 times, and below was the result. 4 different ads basically telling me that I need to lose weight. Sure, you have to put ads on your site to make money. But Facebook hasn't resorted to advertisements like this. In fact, I'm thinking of closing my MySpace account soley because of their lack of morals in this matter. It may seem harsh, yes, but I think it's a small step towards a better world. A world where women love their bodies no matter what size, and where men stop placing unattainable standards on what we should look like. Because ladies, you are beautiful - and you deserve a man (or woman) that sees you that way.

Crazy Crazy Christmastime

It’s Christmastime again, and I’m thankful for so many wonderful things in my life. I have a beautiful loving family. I have a warm bed to sleep in every night, and a roof over my head. I know that my next meal will be hearty & healthy (ok, let's face it - it might be pizza, but at least I know that there will be a next meal). I have wonderful friends that make me laugh a ton. I'm very lucky to have a Christmas that can be celebrated not only with lots of delicious food and gifts -- but surrounded with an endless amount of love. There are a lot of people out there that don't have even the love part, and that makes me sad. At the same time it makes me greatful, and very thankful for how fortunate I am, and how wealthy I am when it comes to love. So on that note, here's a picture of Will Ferrell as Buddy the Elf. Because Christmastime makes me smile, and smiling's my favorite! :)

Cannibal! the Musical

Last night I watched another hilarious Troma movie release entitled "Cannibal! The Musical" -- based on the true story of Alfred Packer. It was written and directed by Trey Parker (co-creator of South Park), so you can only imagine the ridiculousness that ensued.

In the midst of horrible acting and lulls in the story -- there was room for a number of moments where I laughed so hard that it was worth watching. For example, Alfred (played by Trey himself) led the group to a river that they needed to cross. One man wondered how deep the river could be, so Alfred turned, picked up a rock from the riverbed, and tossed it into the water where it made a large splash. Everyone stood staring for a moment, and Alfred said nothing. Eventually the man turned to Alfred and said "well what the fuck was that supposed to do?"

Yeah, that cracked me up.

So if you enjoy really stupid humor, all put to music by one of the minds behind South Park, definitely check out this flick. It's so awful that it's kinda good!

Bettie Page - you rocked my world....

Bettie Page died yesterday at the age of 85. I know that she meant a lot of things to a lot of different people. For me, she was a sexual revolutionary. She wasn't afraid to show off her curves. She basically defined "pin-up", and not only made it beautiful, but made it fun. She came into success out of a life that began with poverty and abuse. She's an icon of our time.

Rest in peace, Miss Page.

Gettin' ready - morning style

I was never a person who took forever to get ready in the morning. I usually take 1 hour tops, which includes all showering / dressing / blow-drying / makeup application, etc. For a chick, I don't think that's too bad. Without a shower, I can be ready to go in 15 minutes flat. That's even better!

Then, as I started packing to move into my new apartment (YAY!!!) -- I realized how much crap it takes to get me through that process. I mean, I don't think of myself as very high maintenance. But I've got a lot of products that I'm not sure I could go without every morning. There's the shampoo & conditioner, the loofah, body wash, comb, blowdryer, straightener, 3 hair products (leave-in conditioner, frizz-smoothing serum, pomade), toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, retainer (don't laugh!!), eyebrow plucker, razor, shaving cream, body lotion, perfume, deodorant.... and that's all just before I leave the bathroom!

While camping I could easily go without all that stuff -- no problemo. I'm kind of wondering how I would do without them though. I don't like to dwell too much on my appearance, but I like to look nice & everything. Hmmm... maybe I should try an experiment to see how much I could cut out of my daily routine and be OK with it. Welll.... maybe when summertime comes around again... ;)

Sorrrryyyyy...

This month has been completely nuts!! And I have SO much to fill everyone in on! I'll give you a quick run-down, just to make anybody who reads this silly thing happy:

1.) Snowboarding season started (hooray!) -- I've only been up once so far, but boy, I love that time o' year.

2.) I'm moving into a new apartment in Denver next weekend! Holy crap!!

3.) It's almost Christmas, and I'm not even close to done with my shopping. However I love Christmastime, so that makes up for things.

4.) I met a boy that I'm crazy about, who's really super sweet, and has been keeping my brain occupied from everything else.... :)

That's all for now! More posts to come (I promise)!
xo

It Baracks my world that Obama is President!

This must be the way Americans felt the day man first walked on the moon.

It's a great day in history. Not only is Obama going to be the first African-American president in our nation's history, but he is the first candidate in a long time that I believe will bring back the fundamentals needed in our country. After reading "The Audacity of Hope", my eyes were opened to an intellegent, strong, loving, and all around good guy - that has some great plans for the good ol' US of A. I'm so excited to be a part of this - and can't wait to see what happens in the years to come.

Oh, and last night I danced my booty off in celebration. :)

(Photo Credit - Time Magazine)

Vote Obama!

I don't know if you got a chance to watch the final debate between McCain & Obama last night, but it only confirmed my feelings that Obama is the dude I want as president of this country! Think about it this way... you have Obama & Biden on one hand. Everyone criticizes Obama of not having enough experience -- but he is super smart & well educated, and chose Biden who has tons of experience as his running mate. McCain might be experienced, but he chose Palin as his running mate, ie - MORON. I don't mean to be harsh, but it seems like 2 smart dudes vs 1 dude if you ask me. Palin doesn't even count, really! Come ON. What if McCain croaks? You want that chick in charge?? UGH! I can't believe women are voting for McCain simply because they want a lady VP. BULL crap. Yeah - ladies, let's band together and vote for a chick that wants to take away women's rights. Brilliant.

Allright, enough of my ranting. Here's an awesomely hilarious article by Adam Cayton-Holland, a writer for the Westword (local alternative Denver paper) and very funny stand-up comedian. Enjoy!


How Adam Cayton-Holland survived a cougar attack!
By Adam Cayton-Holland
published: October 16, 2008, Denver Westword

From my many interactions with readers, it's quite clear that I'm a working-class hero.
"Let me buy you a drink, What's So Funny," they all say, often in unison or song. "You're a hell of a swell guy, goddamnit, and you put into words what I'm feeling. It makes me feel connected to you, man, like we have this bond."
In such situations I always do the same thing. I graciously accept the offer, order a bottle of Miller High Life, the champagne of beers, and sip it coolly for about thirty seconds while the sycophant in front of me babbles on about some nonsense, usually how much he's always wanted to write. Then, with the sort of split-second quickness typically seen only in ocelots or lynxes, I shatter the bottle on the bar and slice my fan across the neck.
"We don't have any fucking bond!" I scream over the writhing, bloody body. "You don't understand me and you never will!"
What I'm trying to say is, I'm no hero. I do things on a regular basis that appall even me. But at least I don't fuck McCain supporters.
Comedy Works South, Wende Curtis's new club, held its grand opening last week. In addition to not being a hero, I'm also a standup comic and a regular at the downtown Comedy Works — and so I and some of my comedy cohorts got invitations. We dressed as well as we could (clean jeans, button-up shirts), and then headed south to soak up the spanking-new swank atmosphere — as well as the benefits of an open bar. Over the course of the evening, I managed to drink 257 Stella Artois beers, six flutes of champagne, three vodka tonics and all the gasoline I could siphon out of cars in the parking lot.
I was lit.
And then the cougar appeared.
I was standing on the balcony outside the third-floor Curtis Ballroom, contemplating that glorious Denver Tech Center skyline, when a dark-haired, buxom she-vixen approached and asked me for a light. Suavely, I lit her cigarette, and like that, it was on. I don't claim to be any sort of Casanova, but Suburba-Cougar was digging my shit. If I had to guess, I would say she was high thirties, early forties, but homegirl was smoking, with a detached, glazed-over look that can only be obtained through many failed relationships and Jacuzzis full of Zinfandel. We talked about everything and nothing for about fifteen minutes, and then the cougar sneak-attacked, planting one right on my lips. Gadzooks! I knew there would be suburban honeys at this new club, but I wasn't expecting anything like this!
"Your beard tickles," she said.
"Oh, that's my Obama beard," I explained. "I'm not shaving until the man is elected. So I'm either going to have it for another month, or another month and four years."
She looked at me blankly.
"Oh, don't tell me you support John McCain," I said.
She did. So for the next several minutes, I assaulted her with questions about McCain, making her defend her case and shooting her down on every point. In addition to not being a hero, I'm not a seasoned politico, but I've been glued to this election in a way that borders on hysterical, and I was far better equipped to debate than this vapid cougar in the DTC night. Bitch actually had the audacity to tell me that she really liked the fact that a woman had made it as far as Sarah Palin had and that, as a woman, she felt a duty to help get another woman in the White House.
"Sarah Palin is the person you want representing womanhood?" I almost screamed. "You want the first woman in the White House to be someone who would take away a woman's right to choose? I would be offended if I was a woman. Fuck, I'm not a woman and I'm offended."
The cougar could sense she was losing me — but she was also losing herself to the sauce, and realized she didn't have enough fight left in her to find another victim. It was all or nothing, and so the cougar struck.
"You know what's great, though?" she slurred at me in the type of line that no one actually ever says in real life and yet I was somehow hearing. "Just because you're voting for Obama and I'm voting for John McCain doesn't mean we can't go home and have sex right now."
I looked at her, stunned. I'd never been propositioned so blatantly. I collected my thoughts.
"Actually," I said. "That's exactly what it means."
As I walked back inside, I turned to take one last look at the cougar. Her mouth was open in disbelief, wide as the vast chasm that existed and will always exist between us.
"Vote Obama," I said.

Comedy Works South - Opening Gala

Comedy Works South has finally opened in Greenwood Village, CO - and I got to be a part of the celebration! This picture was on the main page of the Westword website too!! Man, I felt like a celebrity. Well, without without all the couture, and personal assistants running around, and million dollar jewlery, and false sense of power, and lack of dignity, and all that. OK they're not all bad. I think you know the one's I'm referring to though. :)

Foux De Fa Fa

I love Flight of the Conchords -- they're hilarious. So below is the music video for the very funny song "Foux Da Fa Fa" -- and below is the even more hilarious translation of everything they're saying. Enjoy!!!



“Foux Da Fa Fa” Translation:

I would like a croissant
I am delighted.
Where is the library?
Here’s my passport.
Ah, Gerard Depardieu.
A baguette! [laughs]
A baguette! [laughs]

[Chorus] *Note: “foux da fa fa”, as far as I can tell as a fluent French speaker, is a nonsensical French-sounding phrase.

And now the trip to the supermarket.
Grapefruit
Pineapple
Orange juice
Beef
Soup of the day
Camembert
Jacques Cousteau
Baguette!

Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello, mister.
Hello my small foreign currency exchange office.

How are you doing?
I’m doing okay.
How are you doing?
I’m doing okay.
Voilà! A conversation in the park!

Where is the book?
At the library.
And the dance music?
At the dance club.
And the dance clubs?
It’s here, baby!
One, two, one, two, three, four!

[Chorus]

Where is the swimming pool?
Pardon me?
Where is the swimming pool?
Uh…
Splish splosh ["frenchified" splashing noises]
Uh…Eh…I don’t understand.
Do you speak the French?
Eh?
Do you speak the French?
Uh … no.
Hmmmm.

[Chorus]