Saturday, February 7, 2015

A Bar is No Place for Feelings

Last night I went to a Pre-Valentine's-Day-Singles-Mixer.

Yes, it was just as bad as you'd think it would be. 

We expected as much, honestly. We went in with the understanding we were there to just have fun, eat food, have some drinks, and socialize. But somehow I got to a breaking point, and I didn't see it coming.

Image source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/jonathancohen/
Of course, it was pretty much all women. They were all gorgeous, and all around my age. Two guys showed up - one that was so desperate you could feel it in the way he leaned in (even when a back was facing him), and the other was our friend Matt (who was in cute-single-girl heaven).

We still had fun getting caught up, although it was a juggling act trying to avoid the desperate guy's conversation (he was hovering and ready to attack at any turn). He was a perfectly nice person, I just didn't feel the desire to force small-talk with him. Also, the first thing he said to me and my friends when we introduced ourselves was: "I'm terrible at names, I won't remember any of this."

Now, I know names are difficult to remember, but nothing rubs me the wrong way more than that phrase. I know it's usually just a joke people make when they are in an uncomfortable situation (such as meeting new people). But I don't think people think about what they're saying anymore. I mean, you're kind of saying: "I know I just met you, but I'm not even going to try and remember your name, because I don't give a shit about making any effort." I'd rather someone try to remember my name and guess it wrong rather than say something like that.

But I digress.

We had a fun time for a little while, but as the evening wore on I soberly realized how sad the whole thing was. I couldn't use a stiff drink to dull the fact that there were 30 young, single, beautiful women sitting around with the hope that "Mr Right" would walk in at any moment. I looked at all these women, and I looked at the I-won't-remember-your-name guy, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to leave. I had to get out of there NOW. 

Thankfully, a friend in my group saw my desperation to hightail it out of there and followed suit. We talked on the way back to the car about how awful that whole thing was, and laughed about the way I kind of freaked.

I knew not drinking in social situations would be difficult from time to time. But I actually thought to myself before the start of the night, "Hey, I'm doing great! I don't even feel like I NEED a drink anymore!" in a naive way. It wasn't so much that I needed a drink in that situation, but that I needed to figure out a different way to deal with it rather than ignoring it by drinking - and I haven't really nailed that down quite yet (illustrated perfectly by the fact that I practically knocked over the chair I was pulling my coat from while trying to make a frantic exit).

My point is: I have come a long way in a month, but I've still got a ways to go. I am realizing that although I didn't think of myself as a crazy drinker, or someone I'd think of as an addict - there are ways I depended on alcohol that I didn't think of before. It's something I used in celebration, but also in dulling my feelings. Having the stark realization that you're feeling strong emotions in a place where you wouldn't normally feel anything (ie. a bar), can be pretty scary.  

So I move on to my Saturday night without a false sense of confidence, but the feeling that it might be tough. That I'll need to trust that I'm strong enough to handle those scary emotion-thingies without booze. That I can still have fun, but instead of ignoring those feelings I can acknowledge them and move on.

Ugggghhh... being a grown-up is HARD.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Month One Realizations | Kicking the Crutch

Over the weekend I realized that I have started substituting things for alcohol that may not be the healthiest of choices.

Going into this whole no-booze-for-a-year plan, I already had the mentality that I didn’t want to substitute one bad habit for another. I was not going to switch from ordering alcohol at a bar or restaurant to ordering a soda. I also didn't want to start snacking more (in place of drinking), and I didn't want to substitute another form of entertainment (such as pot) to create a similar effect.

Toasting a non-alcoholic glass of goodness with friends!
Over the weekend I realized that I had been making some of those substitution choices - and in doing so, I realized I don’t want to have to need ANYTHING as a crutch. I don’t want to be a person that needs some kind of stimulating or dulling substance (such as caffeine, alcohol, pot, etc.) to get through my day, and my life. I want to be the type of person that can DEAL WITH IT. If things get shitty, I’ll go for a run. If I want to celebrate, I’ll make a delicious meal to share with my friends. If I need to sulk, I’ll cry it out and move on. I’ll figure it out – I’m a big girl.

I guess I just thought I WOULD need something. I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to just cut out booze and deal with life – all the good and the bad – completely clean. But I feel like understanding this is what will give me the opportunity to really do this right. To see what it’s like to live my adult life without any kind of unhealthy substances to “help” me along.

I have myself, and my friends and family for support. That’s all the strength I need!

1 month down, 11 to go!

Friday, January 30, 2015

Money NOT SPENT on Booze for January

Holy crap! I can't believe how much I saved this month just by not buying booze. This has been very eye-opening for me. It's also amazing how quickly it adds up ($5 here, $10 there) - even when I didn't think I "spent" very much.

A quick note on how I'm calculating my money-not-spent... 
I am adding items to my spreadsheet that meet the following requirements:
  • If I'm in a situation where I would normally order a drink (at a bar, or with a meal). I pretty much know when I'd want to order one. 
  • If people are having more than one drink, I'll include an extra one for myself as well. 
  • My estimated cost sometimes includes tip, and sometimes doesn't - just to allow for a little wiggle room. 
  • I like good booze, so I am not usually calculating for $2 beers - but $5-6 drinks (because that's what I normally have). For happy hours I'll try to guesstimate a little lower, for fancy-scmancy restaurants, I'll guesstimate a little higher. 
  • I'm only calculating liquor store trips for when I REALLY want to get a bottle of wine or something. Or if I'm going to an event where I would normally bring my own booze.
And one final note: This is not an exact science. It's just to give myself an idea of what I COULD HAVE spent on alcohol.

For the month of January I did NOT spend $233.00 on booze. 

Whoa.

Some things I learned about myself in January: 

  • Sleep is WAY better without alcohol. I sleep much more soundly, and sometimes for much longer. 
    This is how I pass the time when I'm watching Netflix
    (instead of drinking)
  • As alcohol has a tendency to do, it lowers my inhibitions. Having a clear head made me realize that I can make better decisions in my life!
  • I already feel like I'm developing better relationships with my friends. It's harder to connect with people when they're tipsy and I'm not - so I'm connecting more with people I may not have before, because they also either don't drink or don't drink very much. 
  • I still think it's hilarious watching my friends drink though. :) 
  • I love love LOVE not having to worry about how I am getting home at the end of the night. Knowing that I can always drive myself home is very comforting. 
One thing I'm still working on is dealing with that guilty feeling when I'm taking up a spot at the bar, and the bartender asks me what I'd like to drink, and my response is "soda water with lemon, please." 

I've realized that making a light-hearted acknowledgment helps ("don't worry, I'll still tip ya!"), or keeping them reassured that I understand they're there to make money by at least kicking them a few bucks for keeping my soda water full. I've been in the business before - I get it! 

In conclusion: so far, so good! 
Thanks to everyone for the constant love and support on this journey! 

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Weekend (Sober) Thoughts

I never need booze to help me with karaoke.
Friday night was… interesting. 

It was the first night that I went out partying without booze this year, and man, it was very apparent how sober I was. A bunch of us went to karaoke night, which was SUPER fun. But everyone else around me was either tipsy or flat out drunk.

When I was on the dance floor I realized I wasn’t letting loose as much as I normally do. I was suddenly a little self-conscious, which was weird for me. I didn’t have anything to take the edge off, just sureness of myself, and suddenly I was unsure. It was a strange feeling, but it made me think: why do I need alcohol to be my ridiculously silly self? 

Later that night I was talking to a boy I've kinda been crushin’ on. He had been drinking, I had not. We had an awkward conversation about our mutual attraction (well, awkward for me without the booze), and he told me that with everything said he was not looking for a relationship with anybody right now.

I realized if I had been drunk, none of what he said would have mattered. I would have taken the part about our attraction and run with it - ignoring the part about not wanting anything more. I maybe would have tried to smooch him. I would have not thought it through, just gone with the moment. I may have been okay with my decision later (or I may have had some regrets), but at the same time wondered if I was being true to myself.
Being a friend's back-up dancer is always a good idea.

With a clear head, I realized - I don’t want that. I thought to myself: I don’t just want a fling, I want something more (whatever that may be). I want to meet someone and get to know them, and if something comes out of it awesome, if not, move on. I want to see if something great could actually happen, not just a one-night make out session. I realized that this was a really good guy, and that doing something in the moment now could mess up any potential of something maybe happening down the road. Shit, nothing could happen in the future for all I know, but I didn’t want to just be some girl that was a temporary distraction. I’m better than that. I’m not a distraction, I’m friggin’ rad. I realized that I not only respected him, but I respected myself too much to just jump into the unknown. Don’t get me wrong - I’m all about living in the moment. But through a haze of alcohol? That’s not always the best way to do it.

Yeah, I don’t think I would have thought of all that if I’d been drunk. 

Saturday morning I woke up feeling good about my decision, and about myself. It felt good being the person that safely drove my friends home. It also felt good waking up on a weekend morning without any regrets, and with a clear head.

I can’t believe it’s only been 11 days, and I’ve already felt like I’ve learned so much!

PS. Money not spent so far (after the weekend): $62 total. That’s kind of awesome. 

PPS. If you get a “mocktail” at a bar or restaurant, be sure you know the price of the damn thing before the server brings it to you. Somehow our server on Saturday night failed to tell me that my deliciously mixed glass of non-alcoholic juice and fizzy water was 6-friggin-dollars. Ugh. Lesson learned!

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Not Boozing When Bummed

Yesterday I had a date planned that canceled.
I actually had another date lined up the same night (just in case one canceled), then they canceled too.
Just the week before I'd had a date cancel as well.

FRUSTRATING.

It's gotten WAY too easy for people to cancel last-minute on things. I have always had a love/hate relationship with technology, and I hate that the ease of communication has resulted in people flaking out more regularly, and having very little accountability. But I digress.

Last night was the first difficult one for me without the booze. I know it's only been 7 days (one stinkin' week!), but I was bummed out, and I wanted a glass of wine.

But I didn't have one. I met up with some friends for not-a-drink at Terminal Bar (I had soda water with lemon), then went home, watched some Peaky Blinders, knitted a bit, made a soda water with elderberry juice concentrate, and went to bed. And it was just fine!
Looking at this guy is a nice distraction from anything, really.

When I thought a little more about it I realized: there is a healthier way to deal with this stuff. Not everyone will flake, and it just seemed worse because it happened all at once. I was bummed, but there are still good people out there (shit, look at my friends for cryin' out loud), and I can totally deal.

I woke up this morning feeling better (although a little tired), and more positive. Tonight I'm planning to go for a run after work, for the first time in a while.

Goodbye to bummed, and hello to a healthier and happier me! 

PS. Due to a lack of drinking last night, I have already saved a total of $36 for the month of January. That's a nice dinner, or a pair of shoes right there! Woot! 

Monday, January 5, 2015

4 days down - lots more to go!

Last weekend was my first weekend in a verrrrrryyyyy long time without any booze.

It actually went pretty darn well! The hardest part was sitting at home when nothing was going on, and not drinking out of boredom. So what did I end up doing instead? Drinking tea and SNACKING.

Yah, I'm gonna need to find a healthier substitute. Tea and biscuits (although delicious), will not help with making it a healthy 2015.

I went out a couple of times over the weekend, and calculated that I've saved about $26.00 on booze so far. So that's a bonus!

I have a feeling my next big challenge will be hitting the social scene and dating, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

As of right now, the New Year's No-Booze Challenge is going great. I feel good, I've slept like a rock the past few days, and I LOVE waking up without any fog in my brain.

Hope you all had a wonderful New Year! 

Monday, November 24, 2014

One Girl. One Year. No Booze.

Me with a dirty martini -
one of my favorite libations!
Hey gang!
I’m starting up this blog again to document a big change for 2015…
…I’m going booze-free for 1 year.


Some background:
I have never been very heavy drinker.  I have certainly had those binge-drinking nights in college and a few in the recent years, but nothing I would consider an addiction. In general, I’d say I consume somewhere between 6-8 alcoholic beverages per week on average. Not a ton, but not exactly moderate either.


In the past, I’ve said that I want to cut back on my alcohol consumption for a number of reasons. The biggest reason is for the sake of my health, but also for being lucid on Saturday mornings, not having to deal with hangovers, or just to simply save money. However as I found out with trying to cut back on chocolate, sometimes it’s easier to just cut it out. Completely.


I started taking classes in nutrition this year, and they have opened my eyes to how amazing the human body is.  It takes a lot of crap from us, and keeps on trucking.  To function optimally, it needs a lot of hydration and nutrition. Alcohol is one of those things that has no benefit whatsoever to our bodies. The water in it is counteracted by the diuretic qualities, it’s processed in our body as sugar, and it contains no vitamins or minerals. It’s really just a toxin – a poison for our bodies and our little cells.  Alcohol also puts a lot of stress on our livers and our kidneys.


I know what you’re thinking: everything in moderation! And yes, some studies have shown that a glass of red wine here and there can be beneficial. But with my Italian heritage, I don’t think I’ve ever been able to have ONE glass of red wine. Come ON.


Now don’t get me wrong – I LOVE alcohol. I love toasting a drink to friends, and I love the association with celebration. I love trying new beers, ciders, wines, and spirits. Living in Colorado has opened new doors to tastes and flavors I’ve never experienced, and the people who craft these libations amaze me with every new sip. I even enjoy the loopy little buzz I feel after a couple of drinks with friends. I appreciate the craft of making alcoholic drinks, and the friendly bartenders I’ve come to know over the years.
Oh, Colorado beers. How I love you.
But in 2015, I’m doing something drastic, and giving my body a break for the first time in 12 years. I’m cutting out the booze.


From January 1st, 2015 to December 31st, 2015 I will not consume one drop, sip, swig, shot, glass, or pint of alcohol. I intend to blog about my progress here (whether good or bad), and hopefully inspire some people along the way. 

I understand that thousands of people have already done this, and it’s certainly not a new concept. So many people have fought their battles with addictions and overcome them. There are people out there who don’t drink because of health, and others that don’t because of addiction. I applaud those people for making the change for themselves and their families.  People that have overcome their addiction and can still be constantly surrounded by such a socially accepted practice amaze me.


Although my situation is different, I still seek empowerment from my decision. I want to do this for myself, but also to hopefully raise awareness. I want people to think about the way they want to drink – not just because it’s social, but because of how they truly feel about it. If you don’t want to drink, you don’t have to. If you do, you can do so responsibly.


I also want to challenge myself and see what I’m capable of. I want to see the changes in my body, my bank account, and hopefully in other surprising ways as well.


I will be tracking my progress on this blog daily, and also tracking big changes every 3 months, on these pillars:
1)   How I feel (in general – energy levels, mood, mentality)
2)   Money (savings)
3)   Physical changes (wellness and health, weight, sleep)



I am going to start a fundraising campaign in the near future. I’m still determining the company, but I will have the information up soon with how to donate.  If you’d like to support me in this endeavor, “buy me a drink” on that fundraising site. Want to “buy me a drink” on my birthday in March? Donate $5 to that campaign instead. It’s my non-booze fund!


Yes, a year is a long time. But considering the 33 amazing years I’ve already spent on this planet, it’s still just a blip in my existence. It could be a fantastic change, and I’m sure it will be a great challenge. Whatever it will be, it will be an interesting journey.


Cheers to 2015!



Sunday, December 22, 2013

My NEW blog!

Hey everyone!

I just realized that I didn't get an update posted about my brand new blog!  It's called Cook With Love | Share With Love.  It's all about food and recipes, and I just LOVE IT!  Please visit me there for all of my updates and recipes.  I have a lot of delicious new creations to share with you!

Also, please visit my new Facebook fan page as well.  I would love it if you stopped by!

Thanks so much for being a follower, and for your continuous support.  I am so excited about this new endeavor, and I can't wait to hear all of your feedback in the future.

Much love,
Beth XO


Thursday, October 10, 2013

Best Vegetarian Chili EVER


Over the weekend I decided to make some chili.  I wandered around the farmer's market just picking up random fresh items to throw into it - and really, just about everything sounds good in chili!

I don't mean to brag, but I make probably the best freakin' vegetarian chili EVER.  I get so bored with the store-bought kind, and it seems as though "vegetarian" usually just means "tons of beans".  Kind of like the way that "vegetarian" on your office's pizza day means "cheese only".

What the heck, man?  I'm vegetarian not just because I don't eat meat, but because I LOVE VEGETABLES!!


So here's my recipe for a delicious vegetarian chili full of veggie-love.  It has a little kick and a unique (but addictive) flavor!

Beth's Best Vegetarian Chili EVER
Prep time: 20 minutes
Cook time: 40-60 minutes
Total time: About 1 hour 15 minutes
Makes about 6-8 servings
Gluten-free* / Vegan

- 1 sweet potato (OR 3-4 carrots), peeled & chopped
- 4 small to medium-sized peppers (any kind), chopped
- 3 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 medium onion, chopped
- 10 mushrooms, sliced
- 1 can vegetarian baked beans
- 1 can black beans (drained, but not rinsed)
- 2 cups veggie broth (or water)
- 1 tbsp curry paste (curry powder will work fine)
- 1 can corn (or 2 cobs of corn, steamed and cut off the ears) 
- 1 cup soyrizo (vegetarian chorizo), (*you can substitute vegetarian ground beef, or vegetarian sausage - but please keep in mind these may NOT be gluten-free)
- 1 can tomato paste (small) 
- 2 large tomatoes, diced (OR 1 large can diced tomatoes, not drained)
- 1/2 cup brown rice
- 1/4 cup nutritional yeast
- salt & pepper
- olive oil
- shredded cheddar cheese (for garnish), optional (a dollop of cottage cheese is awesome on top too)

In a large pot over medium-high heat, add the sweet potatoes (or carrots), and onions, and cook until the onions become soft.  Add the peppers and garlic, stir well, and cook another minute.  Add the mushrooms, stir well.  Carefully add the remaining ingredients.  Cover and simmer for 40-60 minutes, stirring every 15 minutes or so (you may need to add a little more liquid).  Serve hot!

I like to put them in containers in the freezer, and store them for up to a month!



Thursday, September 12, 2013

Hooray for September!

It has been raining cats & dogs here in Denver!  I've been loving every minute of it too.  I got up early today, put on my rain boots and my rain coat, and went splooshing in puddles.  It was awesome. 

It was like the weather thought "Huh, it's September now.  Maybe I should cool off?"  And it sure did.  And I'm a happy girl. 


My schedule has been pretty insane lately, and I'm not sure how I'm going to make it all work.  I may need to figure out yet another strategy, and that is more than a little frustrating.  But I'll find a way and come out stronger in the end.  A little spoiler of what I'm working on... a new blog that's all about FOOD!  It's going to be a big project but I'm so totally excited about it.  More info to come soon. 

I am also still very happy that I (usually) get weekends off too, and that means a little extra time to enjoy the changing of the seasons.  

And to enjoy the little things, like this... 


...and this...

...and this...

...and this...

...and this...

Hello, September!  So nice to see you again. :)