Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Post-Holiday (cookie) Blues

As usual, I let myself get kinda outta control over the holiday season.  I ate when I wasn't hungry, I ate more than I needed, I had 3 cookies when 1 would've been enough.... it goes on & on.

It almost didn't even feel like celebratory eating anymore... it just felt like gluttony!  It got to the point where I don't think I was even enjoying what I was eating - I was just eating for the sake of eating.  When it gets to that point, it's not a good thing.

As I've mentioned in the past, I've always yo-yo'd in my weight.  For a woman of my height (5'6"), my age (30), and my body-type (larger-boned / hourglass shape), my weight should be right around 140-145, and stay right in that range.  At this point I'm right around 182.

Sure, it's not like I passed the 200 pound mark.  I'm thankful that I've never actually gone out and purchased clothing in larger sizes just so that I can keep getting larger.  I'm even more grateful that with my body type I gain weight pretty evenly, so it isn't as noticeable as it is with some people.

But that doesn't mean it's okay.  I'm carrying around 40 extra pounds that have no reason being there, and it doesn't feel good.  Sure I'm not 150 pounds overweight or anything, but that doesn't make it any less acceptable to me.  I want to open up my closet and feel good about anything I put on.  I want to feel happy and sexy in my skin - not trying to hide it under a billowy top and stretchy pants.  I want to feel confident and happy and not overweight.

I've been through this many times, as I'm sure a lot of you have!  It never seems to stick.  Quitting smoking seemed like the hardest thing on the planet to do - it took me at least 3-4 attempts, but I eventually kicked it.  But my continuous struggle with overeating, unhealthy food cravings, sweets, etc. has made that look like a piece of cake (no pun intended). The fact that I could even stop eating meat and never look back - there's something to be said for that!  It's obvious that I CAN do it, now it's just actually DOING it!

Anyway, I'm rambling.  My point is, there's no better time to start than now.  Sure, New Year's Eve is coming up.  Sure I'll want to party.  But why wait until the new year to get going?  Gosh, I feel like a broken record.  But I want to do this.  I NEED to do this.  I need to change my life forever and never gain the weight back again.  I told myself that I would never hit the 180 mark again, but I did.  And that's just not acceptable!

So I'm gettin' back on that good ol' saddle again.  I have the ability, I have the resources, I have the know-how to do what I need to do.  All I need now is a good dose of willpower, and the support of my family & friends.

And it never hurts to find outside motivation.  Last night I watched Killer at Large - a documentary film that was released in 2008.  I'd never heard of it before, but it was in the Netflix instant queue, so I thought I'd check it out.  It was really REALLY good, and very eye-opening.  It made me not want to support the junk food industry ever again, and also made me want to work twice as hard at avoiding them all together.  It also made me not want to be grouped into being a typical "overweight American".

I want to change the world, and make it healthier.  So I may as well start with ME! :)

Here's the trailer for Killer at Large too.  I would highly recommend it!  I hope that you all will work towards getting healthier and happier in the new year too. :)

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