I knew my weight was getting up on the higher end lately, but I didn't realize how much until recently...
... I had a very overdue doctor's appointment, which included a visit on the scale to get my weight. I cringed at the thought (I haven't gotten on a scale in probably a year), but stepped up, and waited for bad news.
It wasn't just bad news. It was the news that I've reached my highest weight so far in my 30-years of life. Yikes.
I've always been aware of health, and very into nutrition for healing, buying and supporting organic / local food companies, etc. I love fruits and vegetables - LOVE them - but I also love cheese, chocolate, pizza, ice cream... the list goes on & on.
I still jog 3x a week with Stacey, but that's just not enough considering I've probably been inhaling anywhere from 500-1,000 calories more per day than I should be!
I know that part of the reason is because I moved in with John. No, I don't blame him! But I think a lot of people hit this point in life when they move in with their significant other or get married. They kinda let themselves go a bit. I know I sure as hell did! I know John will love me no matter what, so why not have another helping of pasta? Why not stuff myself silly?
I'll tell you why.
I don't love myself right now. To be honest, I think it's been causing some problems in my life. Laziness, lack of motivation, stress, tiredness - they've all been around, and I know I've been ignoring them. I never minded a little bit of jiggle, but this has gone too far. I don't even like catching my reflection in the mirror when I'm getting dressed. I don't like this body.
And no, before you say anything, it's not just about getting thin. Yes, it would certainly be great to not have my jeans pinching, have my belts fit again, and to be able to snap my damn snowboarding pants shut. But it's more about being healthy and vibrant, and feeling good about myself. Feeling sexy and energetic and happy. That comes from within, and I don't like how I feel on the inside - and I think it's been showing on the outside.
The holidays make it really difficult to eat right, and normally I just give up around this time of year, and vow to get "back on track" with my new year's resolutions (as I'm sure most people do). But this year, I gotta start a little earlier. There's no damn way I'm turning down pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, but I'm going to be more careful with my portions / second helpings / alcohol consumption. It's amazing how quickly it all comes on, and how long it takes to make it go away again...
Sigh. Have any of you out there reached this point? Have you ever fallen into bad habits due to a relationship change? Any thoughts or advice?
Beth - I just want to tell you that you're not alone! We all (even though some might not admit it) struggle with body issues. I have found that I'm extremely critical of myself, and am constantly aware of my body -- and not in a good way. It's hard not to always compare yourself to other people, too. For me, it's all mental. When I exercise, I feel SO much better, physically and emotionally. While it's hard to get motivated, especially when you're tired and down on yourself, just think about how good you'll feel after. And finally, I am definitely not a proponent of denying yourself. If I want a slice of pie, I eat a slice of pie. I guess it's just all about moderation...and moderation takes time and willpower! Just remember that you are a creative, talented, beautiful person, inside and out!
ReplyDeleteRemember what your blog is - Super Awesome and so are you! May I suggest reading "The Body Ecology Diet" book. I don't follow it fully, but follow the guidelines. Our bodies will naturally slow down as we age, but our minds and definitely our desire to satiate our palates don't seem to. From the book I've learned what "watch what you eat" really means. Not just ok, I'm watching another slice of pizza go into my mouth. Simple rules like you should consume 80% greens/vegetables to 20% protein/carbs. Imagine what that looks like on your plate? It means several "sides" of veggies and a side salad and a small piece of protein or mac n' cheese. If you want another couple bites of mac n' cheese eat 3x as much in veggies and see how much more mac n' cheese you eat. Never eating protein and carbs together (let alone how tough that is on your body/pancreas to digest). Try not to consume corn, pototoes or protein together. If you have mashed potatoes no steak or corn on the cob and that will be your 20%. It's a known fact exercise alone is not as beneficial as if you combine with good eating habits. I always have an apple before a handful (or whole bag) of potato chips. Simple little rules that take discipline, but ultimately shows you're "growing up". Also a couple of years ago I ditched the car and got on a bike and I don't care about midnight nachos or breakfast burritos anymore!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the encouragement ladies!! I really appreciate it, and it's so nice to know that I'm not alone. It really is a mental game, and a huge part of it is gettin' my mind in the right place! I know that I can do it!!!
ReplyDelete:)
XO